Friday's Joke of the Day

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

Being a husband is like any other job . . . It helps a lot if you like the boss.

It's been said that power is the greatest aphrodisiac. It's true, women love guys who have power. They also seem to enjoy running water and central heating.

A watched pot never boils, try turning on the heat.

A wok is what you fwow at a wabbit.

Today's subliminal message is " "

When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum.

Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes?

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.

Our forefathers guaranteed us the right to the pursuit of happiness.
They should have given us a few clues as to where to look.

You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

Great groups from little icons grow.

Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.

Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

My wife thinks I'm too nosy.
At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary

Advertisement for lawn sprinkler system: "Dew it yourself."

We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.

A politician leads an active life. When he isn't straddling an issue, he is dodging one.

The great thing about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

Spider-Man's marriage has fallen apart after more than 20 years in the latest Marvel Comic.
Apparently he ignored his wife and spent too much time on the web.

What does a porcupine like to do when playing volleyball?
Spike.

Why do dragons sleep all day?
So they can fight knights!

What do you call a hippie's wife?
Mississippi.

In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

Peacocks are meticulous because they show attention to de tail.

It was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords.
They can't croak.

My psychiatrist says I'm manic-depressive. I have mixed feelings about that.

What would you get if you crossed a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck

What candy made of chocolate and peanut butter is specifically designed for playgrounds?
Recess Pieces.

Why should you never lie to X-ray technicians?
They can see right through you.

What Indian tribe goes to court most often?
The Sioux

What do you get when you cross Snoopy and cream cheese?
A beagle and Cream Cheese.

If H2O is water what is H2O4?
Drinking, bathing, washing and swimming

Did you hear about the guy who stole the judge's calendar?
He got twelve months.

OLD COSMETICIANS never die, they just take a powder.

I just swallowed a fish bone!
Are you choking?
No, I'm serious!

OLD CRYPTOGRAPHERS never die, they just get deciphered.

There was a naughty kid who was called the "German Sausage" because
he was the wurst braut anybody ever saw.

It isn't vote fraud unless you can prove those dead guys would have voted the other way.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

A baby-sitter is a teenager who comes in to act like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

A band director is one person who is not afraid to face the music.

A careful driver is one who just saw the driver ahead get a ticket.

Women! First they marry you for your money....then they divorce you for it!

Self-defense tip: If you're ever about to be mugged by a couple of clowns, don't hesitate -- go for the juggler.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, be thankful you got the defective guillotine.

I saw that my low-fuel light was on, so I stopped and got $10 worth of gas. And when I was done, I saw that my low-fuel light was still on.